Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
