kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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