So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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