Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
