i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
