I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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