I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
