bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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