Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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