i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
