The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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