Even the bartender felt bad for me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
