My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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