Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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