i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
