her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
