I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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