"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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