My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
