He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
