if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
