Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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