Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
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BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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