We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
