dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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