We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
