Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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