If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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