I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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