you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
