I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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