Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
