Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
