I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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