There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
