seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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