I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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