so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
