You can't special order awesome
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
