I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
