She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize