Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
