Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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