if you like me you must not know who I am
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.