Need sex. Gaining weight.
what day is it and did you see me today?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?