And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.