His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
