Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
