So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
