totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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