If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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