im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
