the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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