My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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