There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
