my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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