I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh god it's open bar.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
