I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
