I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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