Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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