I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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