remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
