She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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