I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize